


Well what else are you supposed to do in ikea?

by perfect_forgery



Category: Love Simon (2018), Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda - Becky Albertalli
Genre: IKEA, M/M, i love my sons
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-08
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2019-04-20 06:02:55
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 807
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14254545
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/perfect_forgery/pseuds/perfect_forgery
Summary: Simon and Bram tell the story of how they got kicked out of ikea





	Well what else are you supposed to do in ikea?

“How the fuck do you even get kicked out of ikea?” Leah asked, her head in her hand  
“I don’t know, but we did” Simon said  
“Are you going to tell us how or…”  
“Let’s start from the beginning”

Bram and Simon were moving in together, to do that they needed furniture. The one place in the world that had furniture named after keyboard smashes was Ikea.  
“Motherfucker we are going to ikea” Simon yelled, grabbing his car keys  
“Babe, no” Bram said, somewhat concerned  
“But braaaaaaaaaaaaaaam, we need a couch. Where else am i supposed to sleep whenever i’ve eaten too many oreos to move”  
“Well maybe you should stop eating so many oreos”  
“How dare you even suggest such a thing”  
“I’m sorry, how can i make it up to you” Bram grinned, pulling his boyfriend into a hug  
“Ikea”  
“Anything else?”  
“No.”

Thirty minutes later the couple were stood inside Ikea, the giant building was packed with boxes of flat pack furniture. The beauty of shopping at Ikea was that everything had a name similar to something in english, this gave ample opportunity for the couple to make some pretty terrible puns.

“It’s beautiful” Bram gasped  
“What is it?” Simon asked, looking at the object in front of Bram  
“A komplement”  
“SONOFA-”

Bram began laughing like it was the end of the world, almost collapsing from pure joy. It made Simon so happy to see Bram happy. The way his nose crinkled when he smiled, the way his eyes lit up, the way he laughed with his entire body. Bram was perfect, and Simon loved him. But… if Bram wanted to play the pun game, Simon would destroy him.

Simon picked up a black folding chair. “Babe, i have to warn you that my puns are pretty nisse”  
“Why you little-”  
“I know, i’m a legend”  
“Teach me”. Simon picked up a step-stool,  
“Of course, you’ll be a mästerby the end of this”  
“Not agen” Bram sighed, pointing to an armchair

“We get it!” Abby yelled, pulling eveyone out of the story Bram and Simon were trying to tell “you made puns, that doesn't explain how you, y’know, got kicked out!”  
“Fine, if you’ll let us get back to it we’ll get back to the exciting shit. Is that alright?” Simon said  
“Go on”  
“As i was saying…”

The two boys walked around the store, laughing it the dumb names of some of the products. Then, they reached the bath and shower section.

“I’m gonna get in the bath” Simon muttered, his voice sounding determined  
“Simon, do not get in the bath” Bram  
“Too late, i’m getting in the fucking bath, right now. I love you but you can’t stop me”  
“I accept your fate, goodbye my love. Return to me when the war against bad hygiene is over”

Simon opened the glass guard and climbed into the bath, bringing several of the display rubber duckies with him. Bram looked around a little and found a loofa from a display and tossed it over to Simon. Simon proceeded to act out a hilarious display of scrubbing himself as well as somehow managing to pull out a duck from behind his ear.

It was at that moment that security arrived.

“Good afternoon sir,” simon grinned “may i offer you a duck in this trying time”  
“Get out of the bath son” the man said, expressionless  
“Yes sir, sorry sir”  
“If you do anything like this again i’m going to have to ask you to leave”

“Jonathan, were you bothering this nice man” Bram said with a gasp and a terrible french accent, Simon caught on quickly  
“Alexander, I am terribly sorry for causing a scene like this”  
“And who are you exactly?” the guard asked  
“Me?” Bram gasped “why i am Alexander DeuFaunt, his lover from the far off land of Paris”  
“I see, it’s just i thought you were Bram Greenfeld from the high school soccer team. You play with my son”  
“Well, you see… FUCKING RUN!” Bram yelled as he grabbed Simon’s hand

The two sprinted through the store, the guard hot on their trail. They dodged through several different isles until they reached the chairs… the chairs with wheels.

Both of them grabbed a chair and kicked off, gliding through the open space. The mild slope of the store caused them both to quickly speed up. Speed plus panic pretty much always ends in disaster, or at least it did on this occasion.

CRASH

Simon was left laying upside-down inside a broken wardrobe, his chair about three feet behind him after being overturned on a bump in the path. Bram had barely managed to stop himself, luckily avoiding crashing.

The guard from earlier walked up and placed his hand on Bram’s shoulder  
“Son, i’m going to have to ask you to leave”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm in a big love, simon mood so here. 
> 
> this is the second fic i've written today, can you tell i love these characters?
> 
> if you have any love simon fics you want to see feel free to suggest them below


End file.
